It's one of those nights. Actually, it's been one of those days - I am just cranky. Which is odd, since I moved back to California, my angry days are pretty much over. However, every once in awhile, they crop up and I have to deal with them. The frustrating part is that I really have no one to talk to about them.
I am the one that usually cheers everyone else up. But when I get down, well, it's kinda hard to cheer yourself up sometimes. So, my way of dealing with it, is to let it flow and let it go. So, here is the flow part.
I still have no job. While I do continue to send out stories and articles, I have no current means of making any money. It is a scary place to be and it is also very frustrating. Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that I have a place to stay with my parents and I do help them out a lot, but still. Also, while I do have a few acquaintances, I don't have any close friends nearby. That one is rough, because sometimes, a friends voice or face, can work wonders when you are feeling down.
No job, no place of my own, no real stuff, I borrow most everything (again not bitching, I am thankful) it is just so frustrating.
I feel bad about feeling bad too. I mean, all the work I have done on myself, the enlightenment I am supposed to have achieved, LOL - but I imagine even the Enlightened get frustrated, and it will pass.
Mostly, I am just lonely. I don't mind being alone. I have things to do to keep me occupied. But being lonely is something I am just not good at. Especially when I am watching a meteor shower, or watching a new to me, TV show and you want to turn to someone and say, "hey did you see that?"
I hope someday to have someone that can keep that loneliness away, until then, I'll just keep breathing.
And now that I have let it flow, I hope I can let it go....
Blessings.
Saturday, August 25, 2012
Sunday, August 12, 2012
Modern Day Fairy Tales - Once Upon A Time
"Let’s take back the kingdom like we should do all things…together. "– Snow White
I am currently in Once Upon A Time withdrawals, thankfully there is only a month or so before Season 2 starts up. I enjoy this show on many levels, because it has so many levels to enjoy. They writers also did a magnificent job with casting and making story book characters that are so much more lively and real, then the stories we read as children.
I am also a helpless romantic and get all swoony over such loves scenes as that of Snow and Charming. I am a romantic realist however. I like having a car door opened for me but I am also one who is willing to open the door for another.
One of the main reasons I enjoy the Snow/Charming story is that they love each other and also, save each other. It isn't just Charming loaded with Princely testosterone running off to save the fair lady. She also fights her way through castles and arrows and armies, to save him.
Like in real life, I hope to save and be saved. Love and be loved.
That is true magic. And you don't need any funky purple smoke to use it.
~C
Saturday, August 11, 2012
Photo Shoot Fun Ideas Part I
I would love to have a little fun with the Audrey/Breakfast at Tiffany's look....
I have a few more ideas but these are the ones I thought of when asked about creative ideas LOL
De/Construction of a Dream
Don't mind my dust LOL I need to write these dreams images down before I forget and I don't have my journal with me - Hot muggy morning, very tired from not sleeping at night... this was a early morning nap.
Bold = dream
**italics**= my thoughts on dream
Edited for privacy
bears - backyard - 2 female 1 male. Male climbs gate fence, tranq gun - knocked out.
**dream in metaphor - bear/bare! Bare my soul, so to speak**
veers into:
house huge mansion looking thing - walking down halls to room
a "male friend haven't seen since high school," great hugs, my hair in the way more great hugs almost kisses?
** hugging someone symbolizes your loving and caring nature. You are holding someone or something close to your heart.** <-- most vivid part of the dream, most real - could feel the strength and touch
** Hallways - self exploration. It is the beginning of the path that you are taking in life. You are going through a transitional phase and journeying into the unknown. It also signals spiritual enlightenment, emotional growth physical prowess, new opportunities and mental passages in your life. **
but...
house morphs to mall looking/medieval times/theme park. Friend Choosing sword/hero like the joust.... walk down hall to ride Haunted Mansion? but not doombuggies, they were kitchen looking chairs on a wall thing - very odd, but have no ticket.walk down to kiosk to get one.... woke up.
**the sword masculine power.**
**amusement park in your dream indicates that you need to set some time for more relaxation and enjoyment in your life. The rides, booths and elements in the amusement park are an expression of some aspect of yourself or some area in your life** Great, i need a ticket to my life LOL
yeah, that was funky dreaming... I need to see what that was all about later :)
pretty sure I get the male friend but the bears? WTF LOL
** ok, I get it... plus the bears... I tend to dream in metaphors, so that makes total sense now.**
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
this was a very vivid/lucid dream, but I chose not to act or react because I wanted to see where it went on its own. The most realistic /vivid part was the touch/hug/interaction with "male friend" in dream - that is what stuck out the most and got my attention.
Everyone dreams differently - if three people had this same dream, it would mean three different things. There is a basic dream dictionary, where you can find the most used definitions of dream symbols, but once you start learning how you dream and what your dreams mean, you will build your own dictionary.
As you can see, I often dream in symbols or metaphors with the bears. So, it's learning how to interpret your own dreams by working with them when you remember them.
For me, this dream is pretty right on the money for where I am right now. I left some of the details out because they are personal but it rang true and that is what counts.
It was telling me to be brave. To be patient and to let things happen as they will. I think that showed up well with my "needing a ticket for my own life" Right now, i am gun shy with my feelings/emotions and am hesitant to share them mostly from past experience.
Overall I am happy with this and wouldn't mind seeing it come to fruition... except for the bears in the backyard ;)
Bold = dream
**italics**= my thoughts on dream
Edited for privacy
bears - backyard - 2 female 1 male. Male climbs gate fence, tranq gun - knocked out.
**dream in metaphor - bear/bare! Bare my soul, so to speak**
veers into:
house huge mansion looking thing - walking down halls to room
a "male friend haven't seen since high school," great hugs, my hair in the way more great hugs almost kisses?
** hugging someone symbolizes your loving and caring nature. You are holding someone or something close to your heart.** <-- most vivid part of the dream, most real - could feel the strength and touch
** Hallways - self exploration. It is the beginning of the path that you are taking in life. You are going through a transitional phase and journeying into the unknown. It also signals spiritual enlightenment, emotional growth physical prowess, new opportunities and mental passages in your life. **
but...
house morphs to mall looking/medieval times/theme park. Friend Choosing sword/hero like the joust.... walk down hall to ride Haunted Mansion? but not doombuggies, they were kitchen looking chairs on a wall thing - very odd, but have no ticket.walk down to kiosk to get one.... woke up.
**the sword masculine power.**
**amusement park in your dream indicates that you need to set some time for more relaxation and enjoyment in your life. The rides, booths and elements in the amusement park are an expression of some aspect of yourself or some area in your life** Great, i need a ticket to my life LOL
yeah, that was funky dreaming... I need to see what that was all about later :)
pretty sure I get the male friend but the bears? WTF LOL
** ok, I get it... plus the bears... I tend to dream in metaphors, so that makes total sense now.**
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
this was a very vivid/lucid dream, but I chose not to act or react because I wanted to see where it went on its own. The most realistic /vivid part was the touch/hug/interaction with "male friend" in dream - that is what stuck out the most and got my attention.
Everyone dreams differently - if three people had this same dream, it would mean three different things. There is a basic dream dictionary, where you can find the most used definitions of dream symbols, but once you start learning how you dream and what your dreams mean, you will build your own dictionary.
As you can see, I often dream in symbols or metaphors with the bears. So, it's learning how to interpret your own dreams by working with them when you remember them.
For me, this dream is pretty right on the money for where I am right now. I left some of the details out because they are personal but it rang true and that is what counts.
It was telling me to be brave. To be patient and to let things happen as they will. I think that showed up well with my "needing a ticket for my own life" Right now, i am gun shy with my feelings/emotions and am hesitant to share them mostly from past experience.
Overall I am happy with this and wouldn't mind seeing it come to fruition... except for the bears in the backyard ;)
Tuesday, August 7, 2012
Meteor Showers - Perseid! Coming soon!
August Perseid Meteor Shower Has Long Legacy, Bright Future
Joe Rao, SPACE.com Skywatching Columnist
Date: 06 August 2012 Time: 04:22 PM ET

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| Photographer Jeff Berkes caught this Perseid meteor over Dead Horse Point State Park, Utah, on July 30, 2011. CREDIT: Jeff Berkes |
Exactly 150 summers ago, stargazers were admiring a beautiful new comet. Discovered in mid-July 1862 by Americans Lewis Swift and Horace Tuttle, the new object became favorably positioned high in the northern sky through the remainder of the summer.
During that last week of August, the comet was at its best, shining at second magnitude and displaying a long, bright tail. In telescopes, luminous jets of nebulosity blossom outward from a bright, highly condensed nucleus. French astronomer Camille Flammarion ranked comet Swift-Tuttle among the ten "really fine and striking comets" of the 19th century. Others would simply refer to it as "The Great Comet of 1862."
From this bright visitor we learned quite a bit about comets in general and their relationship to meteor showers. Among the interesting points raised by this comet’s mid-19th century appearance was the announcement in 1867 by the Italian astronomer Giovanni Schiaparelli that the orbit of comet Swift-Tuttle appeared to be nearly coincident with the orbit of the source of the Perseid meteor shower.
Schiaparelli postulated that the comet had discarded the tiny fragments that produce the Perseids as it swept through the inner solar system. These swift streaks of light appear to dart across our northern skies from their namesake constellation from late July through most of August. [Amazing Perseid Meteor Shower Photos]
Comet Crumbs
These comet fragments — countless bits of metal and stone — are called meteoroids while they exist in and move through space. But a meteor is not a particle of matter itself. It is merely the short-lived streak of light produced by the meteoroid as it is heated to incandescence by its plunge through the Earth’s atmosphere.
The kinetic energy released per gram of the meteoroid’s weight far exceeds the energy efficiency of the most powerful man-made explosives. Thus, an object the size of a pea or pebble can create a very substantial meteor trail.
Ultimately, Schiaparelli was proven correct; comet Swift-Tuttle is indeed the progenitor of the Perseid meteor shower — the first direct correlation to be found between a comet andmeteor shower. Soon afterward, Schiaparelli suggested that another annual display, theNovember Leonids, was caused by Earth’s interception of the debris of the comet Tempel-Tuttle (discovered in December 1865).
Today, while not all meteor showers have been associated with specific comets, astronomers think that all showers probably have a cometary origin. Over 500 cometary meteor swarms that produce (or have produced) meteor showers are currently known.
A meteoroid swarm is sometimes referred to as a "flying gravel bank," though it is not a very compact one. The Perseid meteoroids, for example, are anywhere from 60 to 100 miles (96 to 160 kilometers) apart at the densest part of the swarm. Earth enters the outer fringes of the gravel bank around July 25, but does not leave it behind until we see the last stragglers around August 18. All told, the Perseid stream is immense – perhaps as large as 50 million miles in diameter.
2012: A favorable Perseid year
In 2012, the Earth is expected to encounter the "core" of the Perseid swarm, where meteoroid concentration is densest, on Aug. 12. This is when the Perseids put on their best show as the meteors appear to diverge from a patch of sky near the Double Cluster in Perseus. This is actually an illusion of perspective, since that is the direction toward which the Earth’s orbital motion carries us at this time of the year. [Early Perseid Meteors Light Up Sky (Video)]
This NASA sky map shows the location in the northern sky where the Perseid meteor shower will appear to radiate from in 2012. The Perseid meteor shower peaks every August and appears to fly out of the constellation Perseus.
CREDIT: NASA/JPL
CREDIT: NASA/JPL
At the same time, the meteoroids are traveling on parallel paths nearly perpendicular to the Earth’s orbit. The combined speeds of the Earth and the meteoroids cause the Perseids to rush into our atmosphere at average speeds of 37 miles (60 km) per second.
The moon will be a crescent phase and will rise during the morning hours, and will be little more than a nuisance to prospective meteor watchers. For a single observer with access to a wide-open view of a clear, dark sky, meteors should appear at an average rate of about one every minute or two. Veteran observers, however, say that the Perseids tend to appear in bunches: several over an interval of minute or two followed by a lull of several more minutes before the sky again "bears fruit."
Perseids: Is the best yet to come?
The comet Swift-Tuttle made its most recent appearance nearly twenty years ago, in December 1992. Its orbit is highly elongated orbit and as such it takes roughly 130 years to make one trip around the Sun.
For several years before and after its 1992 return, the Perseids were a far more prolific display, appearing to produce brief bursts of as many as several hundred meteors per hour, many of which were dazzlingly bright and spectacular.
The most likely reason was that the Perseids' parent comet was itself passing through the inner solar system and that the streams of Perseid meteoroids in the comet’s vicinity were larger and more thickly clumped together. Hence the reason for the brighter meteors and much-higher-than-normal meteor rates.
In recent years, with the comet now far back out in space, Perseid activity has apparently returned to normal. However, looking ahead into the future, a few meteor astronomers suggests that the Perseids may yet provide some surprises.
French astronomer, Jérémie Vaubaillon of the The Institut de Mecanique Celeste et de Calcul des Ephemerides (IMCCE) has made plots of Earth’s passage through the Perseid swarm from 1990 to 2100. In the immediate future for the year 2016, Vaubaillon indicates that Earth will pass through a dense clump of dusty material around 0 hours Universal Time on Aug. 12.
Unusually high Perseid activity could persist for roughly half a day, meaning that both Europe and North Americans would get an excellent view. The moon would be a couple of days past first quarter phase but will set after midnight leaving the early morning sky dark for prospective observers.
This forecast is corroborated by Russian meteor expert Mikhail Maslov,who has made his own set of Perseid forecasts covering the years 1901-2100. For 2016, Maslov predicts 160-180 meteors per hour at 23:23 UT on Aug. 11.
2028 Perseid meteor shower
Esko Lyytinen of Finland, has also made calculations concerning extra-dense filaments of dust trailing well behind comet Swift-Tuttle. Lyytinen concludes that the Perseids may put on an even more dramatic Perseid display in 2028 as the Earth passes to within 37,000 miles (59,000 km) from a stream of debris that comet Swift-Tuttle released into space back in the year 1479.
"I expect this to produce a real storm (1,000 meteors per hour or more) over the United States, although it will come under rather unfavorable moonlight conditions (the Moon will be near Last Quarter)," Lyytinen writes.
So, for those of you planning to be around more than a quarter-century from now, mark your calendars accordingly!
Editor's note: If you snap an amazing photo of the 2012 Perseid meteor shower that you'd like to share for a possible story or image gallery, send images and comments (including name and location) to managing editor Tariq Malik at tmalik@space.com.
This story was provided by SPACE.com, a sister site to LiveScience. Joe Rao serves as an instructor and guest lecturer at New York's Hayden Planetarium. He writes about astronomy for The New York Times and other publications, and he is also an on-camera meteorologist for News 12 Westchester, New York.
Sunday, August 5, 2012
Wishing You Enough
Some friends have been asking me why I often say, "I wish you enough." This is why...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have great difficulties with saying goodbye. Even as I write this I am experiencing that pounding sensation in my heart. If I am watching such a scene in a movie I am affected so much that I need to sit up and take a few deep breaths. So when faced with a challenge in my life I have been known to go to our local airport and watch people say goodbye. I figure nothing that is happening to me at the time could be as bad as having to say goodbye.
Watching people cling to each other, crying, and holding each other in that last embrace makes me appreciate what I have even more. Seeing them finally pull apart, extending their arms until the tips of their fingers are the last to let go, is an image that stays forefront in my mind throughout the day.
On one of my recent business trips, when I arrived at the counter to check in, the woman said, "How are you today?" I replied, "I am missing my wife already and I haven't even said goodbye."
She then looked at my ticket and began to ask, "How long will you...Oh, my God. You will only be gone three days!" We all laughed. My problem was I still had to say goodbye.
But I learn from goodbye moments, too.
Recently I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her departure and standing near the security gate, they hugged and he said, "I love you. I wish you enough." She in turn said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy."
They kissed and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say goodbye to someone knowing it would be forever?"
"Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me.
So I knew what this man experiencing.
"Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever goodbye?" I asked.
"I am old and she lives much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, the next trip back would be for my funeral," he said.
"When you were saying goodbye I heard you say, "I wish you enough." May I ask what that means?"
He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more."When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory.
* I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.
* I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.
* I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.
* I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.
* I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.
* I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.
* I wish enough hello's to get you through the final goodbye.
He then began to sob and walked away.
My friends, I wish you enough!
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