Mental Notes

It's one of those nights. Actually, it's been one of those days - I am just cranky.  Which is odd, since I moved back to California, my angry days are pretty much over. However, every once in awhile, they crop up and I have to deal with them.  The frustrating part is that I really have no one to talk to about them.

I am the one that usually cheers everyone else up.  But when I get down, well, it's kinda hard to cheer yourself up sometimes.  So, my way of dealing with it, is to let it flow and let it go. So, here is the flow part.

I still have no job.  While I do continue to send out stories and articles, I have no current means of making any money. It is a scary place to be and it is also very frustrating.  Don't get me wrong, I am very thankful that I have a place to stay with my parents and I do help them out a lot, but still.  Also, while I do have a few acquaintances,  I don't have any close friends nearby.  That one is rough, because sometimes, a friends voice or face, can work wonders when you are feeling down.

No job, no place of my own, no real stuff, I borrow most everything (again not bitching, I am thankful) it is just so frustrating.

I feel bad about feeling bad too.  I mean, all the work I have done on myself, the enlightenment I am supposed to have achieved, LOL - but I imagine even the Enlightened get frustrated, and it will pass.

Mostly, I am just lonely. I don't mind being alone. I have things to do to keep me occupied. But being lonely is something I am just not good at. Especially when I am watching a meteor shower, or watching a new to me, TV show and you want to turn to someone and say, "hey did you see that?"

I hope someday to have someone that can keep that loneliness away, until then, I'll just keep breathing.

And now that I have let it flow, I hope I can let it go....

Blessings.