Well!
Four out of five American's have a Bible. I am assuming at least four out of five of you are reading this, so go ahead and grab the good book, I'll wait. Go on, if you don't have an actual Bible handy, The Bible Gateway will suffice. Trust me, if you don't follow along, you'll think I am making it all up.
Back? Ok then. Some people say that the Bible is the best selling book of all time. I suppose that would depend on who you are consulting as I haven't seen it crack Amazon's Top Sellers list, yet...
I don't want to knock the Bible, badly, but with all it's inaccuracies, inconsistencies and impossibilities - to me, most of it sounds like a lot of crap.
So, why do people believe in the Bible?
Many people say "faith," is the reason for what is in the Bible. And if you believe what is in the Bible on pure faith alone, OK, that is cool, not much you need to do with that. BUT, if faith isn't enough and you want history and facts to back up what is written within, you are sadly, screwed.
There are usually two sides to every story, so I will include some information from both Michael Shermer, founder of the Skeptics Society and Skeptics Magazine and Dr. Paul Meyer, a Professor of Ancient History at the University of Mich.
Shermer says that, "The Bible is mythic storytelling. Most of it is made up or based on articles of faith. But it doesn't really fit the way we live today as we are more and more relying on and asking for the the proof in what we see or do.
Dr. Meyer says that, "The Bible is the word of God." He also says, "it is the work of man, the work of two or more men, that it is literal and that it is symbolic. It is up to us to decide how to use the Bible and when to use it as such."
Sounds like Dr. Meyer is covering a lot of his bases. I mean, with an argument like that, how can you lose?
There are many stories in the Bible that have different versions - the "facts" of the story may differ but it is generally the same story. So, you cannot take that story and say, "oh, well, you take this one literally," and then turn around with the same tale and claim it to be, "symbolic" of something.
Let's make an example, shall we?
ELVIS - Died in 1977. There are first hand reports of his death, photos and autopsy reports - pictures of said autopsy. BUT, we have "proof" from millions of people that he is ALIVE. And billions of people will swear on their Bibles that "Elvis didn't do no drugs."
To illustrate my "story - take it literally now take it symbolically" from above I will use two of Elvis's books and the recipe for his beloved fried chicken.
In, "Are You Hungry Tonight," it states in the ingredient list that you use 1/2 cup of flour and no paprika. YET, in "Fit For a King," you must use 3/4 cups of flour and A LOT OF PAPRIKA!
How would people have decided which was the real Elvis chicken, 2000 years ago?
Elvis didn't do no drugs!
How about the story of Noah's Ark? Mr. Shermer says that there is "no way to fit all of the animals, some 10 billion species, on one boat and then place them all in the right climate zones and continents. It is not a literal story - it is a redemption story... a tale of starting over."
Our Dr. Meyer would argue that, "it is a compilation of a bigger story. A sort of "serial story" you used to hear on the radio - using compressed editing A literal fiction of mythology..."
Ahem, right. And Elvis didn't do no drugs!
Actual footage is a tad blurry. Camera angles sucked back then.
How
about the Pharoah and the Parting of the Red Seas? First, there hasn't
been any definitive proof that there were any Jewish slaves in Egypt,
outside of the Bible, that is. But I digress.
Moses says to the Pharoah, "Let my people go." Why didn't God say straight up to the Pharoah - "Let em go?" Because.... we all know this one... GOD works in mysterious, inefficient and very CRUEL ways.
How Cruel? Let me count the ways:
1: The Plague - water turns to blood and the fish are fucked
2: Frogs - nothing like a little extra frogs to spice up the day
3: Lice - well, ok, that works, it was most likely normal back then
4: Insects - just icky
5: Pestilence - well that just covered all the lice and bugs too, and now they all want to die
6: Boils - ok, again this is getting so bad, kill me
7: Thunder/Hail/Fire from skies - what a mess
8: Locust - Well, that was food for the frogs up there, the ones not killed by all that hail.
9: Darkness - I am going to call this a bonus because you can't see all the grossness
10: All first born children must die - now there is a kind and loving God.
Now, NOW, Moses goes and parts that sea.
Elvis didn't do no drugs!
Where is the evidence that any of that happened at all? Evidence is low in showing. It was said that most of history didn't record their failures, that would make the leaders look bad and this is partly true but according to Shermer, "that is NOT an answer. It is simply saying because there is no evidence it must be true."
The Professor Meyer aruges that, "Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. If something isn't mentioned that doesn't mean it didn't exist."
Biblical miracles have a hard rap in belief. Again, if you have pure faith, you don't need proof. But, for the many others who don't go on faith alone, your gonna need some miracle back up. But if it's not a miracle, it's not "of God." And if it's not "of God," it's a lot of crap.
And I really have to add here that I am still pissed off that God killing off all the first borns. I mean couldn't He have smacked the Pharaoh instead? What Kind and Loving God, does that? Let's not punish the actual commiter's of the crimes, let's get their kids instead - Bet you don't see that in the illustrated Children's Bibles or hear it in the Sunday Sermons!
How about some New Testament now?
The Jesus stuff - did Jesus really exist?
Moses says to the Pharoah, "Let my people go." Why didn't God say straight up to the Pharoah - "Let em go?" Because.... we all know this one... GOD works in mysterious, inefficient and very CRUEL ways.
How Cruel? Let me count the ways:
1: The Plague - water turns to blood and the fish are fucked
2: Frogs - nothing like a little extra frogs to spice up the day
3: Lice - well, ok, that works, it was most likely normal back then
4: Insects - just icky
5: Pestilence - well that just covered all the lice and bugs too, and now they all want to die
6: Boils - ok, again this is getting so bad, kill me
7: Thunder/Hail/Fire from skies - what a mess
8: Locust - Well, that was food for the frogs up there, the ones not killed by all that hail.
9: Darkness - I am going to call this a bonus because you can't see all the grossness
10: All first born children must die - now there is a kind and loving God.
Now, NOW, Moses goes and parts that sea.
Elvis didn't do no drugs!
Where is the evidence that any of that happened at all? Evidence is low in showing. It was said that most of history didn't record their failures, that would make the leaders look bad and this is partly true but according to Shermer, "that is NOT an answer. It is simply saying because there is no evidence it must be true."
The Professor Meyer aruges that, "Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence. If something isn't mentioned that doesn't mean it didn't exist."
Biblical miracles have a hard rap in belief. Again, if you have pure faith, you don't need proof. But, for the many others who don't go on faith alone, your gonna need some miracle back up. But if it's not a miracle, it's not "of God." And if it's not "of God," it's a lot of crap.
And I really have to add here that I am still pissed off that God killing off all the first borns. I mean couldn't He have smacked the Pharaoh instead? What Kind and Loving God, does that? Let's not punish the actual commiter's of the crimes, let's get their kids instead - Bet you don't see that in the illustrated Children's Bibles or hear it in the Sunday Sermons!
How about some New Testament now?
The Jesus stuff - did Jesus really exist?
Most
historians and some theologians agree that Jesus was a man. Archeology
has found much evidence to show that there could have been a man as
described in the Bible, but no actual PROOF of a messiah. Historians
also found a story about a man called Appalonius of Tyara - same story
as Jesus - Hmmm Appalonius Christ? There was a plague of messiahs, but
we only hear of the one that fits in with the Biblical myths.
At this point, The Life of Brian is more accurate.
Christians believe in the Resurrection, that is what this whole thing is based around isn't it? You cannot prove the resurrection happened. Prof Meyer says, "there was no body found..so... there you go..."
Cue the sound of crickets...
YOU CANNOT prove the resurrection happened just because there was no dead Jesus. (That "Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence," line is really working for Meyer now.)
Who wrote the Bible? That has been a question never fully answered. Theologians don't exactly know, only that it was "Inspired by God." But what about the books that didn't make the cut? Again, Prof Meyer says, "The books that made it are sort of like what was on the front page of the NY Times. Top news articles, those made the Canon. The stories that lasted and had a tendency to repeat again. The committee didn't like the rest of them because they had no lasting qualities."
THE COMMITTEE??
Who got to say what went into and what didn't go into the Bible? A COMMITTEE? A committee who voted on what was canonized. Ok, that committee was the First Council of Nicaea and it was then that the books were looked at and chosen to be or not to be, canonized. But what about all those books that were left out... to pick and choose what does or doesn't go in is not consistent nor fair - I will elucidate this point further in a moment.
First, I want a show of hands, ok, keyboards... The Ten Commandments. Who knows them all by heart, no cheating or paraphrasing? When a group of people on the street were polled, three out of ten got some parts of them. The rest, made it up or blushed terribly.
At this point, The Life of Brian is more accurate.
Christians believe in the Resurrection, that is what this whole thing is based around isn't it? You cannot prove the resurrection happened. Prof Meyer says, "there was no body found..so... there you go..."
Cue the sound of crickets...
YOU CANNOT prove the resurrection happened just because there was no dead Jesus. (That "Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence," line is really working for Meyer now.)
Who wrote the Bible? That has been a question never fully answered. Theologians don't exactly know, only that it was "Inspired by God." But what about the books that didn't make the cut? Again, Prof Meyer says, "The books that made it are sort of like what was on the front page of the NY Times. Top news articles, those made the Canon. The stories that lasted and had a tendency to repeat again. The committee didn't like the rest of them because they had no lasting qualities."
THE COMMITTEE??
Who got to say what went into and what didn't go into the Bible? A COMMITTEE? A committee who voted on what was canonized. Ok, that committee was the First Council of Nicaea and it was then that the books were looked at and chosen to be or not to be, canonized. But what about all those books that were left out... to pick and choose what does or doesn't go in is not consistent nor fair - I will elucidate this point further in a moment.
First, I want a show of hands, ok, keyboards... The Ten Commandments. Who knows them all by heart, no cheating or paraphrasing? When a group of people on the street were polled, three out of ten got some parts of them. The rest, made it up or blushed terribly.
The Ten Commandments are Gods effective rules to live by - good ones too. Sort of moral precepts that stand the test of
time.
But, what parts are you going to use. In one passage of the Bible it says that for one man to live with another man, in that way, is a sin. In another passage it says we should stone disobedient children.
Lev 20:13 (KJV): If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them
Deut 21:21 (KJV): And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones that he die.
But, what parts are you going to use. In one passage of the Bible it says that for one man to live with another man, in that way, is a sin. In another passage it says we should stone disobedient children.
Lev 20:13 (KJV): If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them
Deut 21:21 (KJV): And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones that he die.
Again, you can't just pick and choose what you will use and how you will use it - just to suit your needs at any given time.
Let's play, Pick and Choose a Bible Passage aka The Bible Impeaching the Bible.
I have to say, this is my favorite bonus round in Bible games because it is the most used by flustered Bible-ists who like to grab and passing scriptures like drowning people in the ocean. They just flounder around til they find one that fits their need and then string another and another along, even though they don't actually GO TOGETHER. Totally out of context, but a most humorous party game.
Ready?
Exodus 21:7 - It's ok to sell your daughter into slavery
Exodus 35:2 - Work on the Sabbath, you should be put to death
Corinthians 11:14 - Doth not nature teach a man who has long hair, it is a shame unto him...
Leviticus 21: 5 - They shall not make baldness upon their head
Matthew 27:5 (NIV) - So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.
Deut 15:17 (KJV) - Thou shalt do likewiseLet's play, Pick and Choose a Bible Passage aka The Bible Impeaching the Bible.
I have to say, this is my favorite bonus round in Bible games because it is the most used by flustered Bible-ists who like to grab and passing scriptures like drowning people in the ocean. They just flounder around til they find one that fits their need and then string another and another along, even though they don't actually GO TOGETHER. Totally out of context, but a most humorous party game.
Ready?
Exodus 21:7 - It's ok to sell your daughter into slavery
Exodus 35:2 - Work on the Sabbath, you should be put to death
Corinthians 11:14 - Doth not nature teach a man who has long hair, it is a shame unto him...
Matthew 27:5 (NIV) - So Judas threw the money into the temple and left. Then he went away and hanged himself.
If you believe it's your God and God is infallible you can't throw out some of the rules, just because you don't like them. There is NO pick and choose.
The Bible is a human edited collection of books, stories and myths, linking belief in faith and religion to actual factual tenets. They are NOT. They are stories about how we should live our lives. Moral homilies. A "What can I take from the Bible to live a better life for myself."
To take it literally is missing the point of the Bible. But don't take my word for it, read it, cover to cover - ALL OF IT. And then be honest with yourself.
But don't read it looking for a moral code. Aside from well thought parables and rules to live by, the Bible also advocates prejudice, cruelty, superstition and murder. Read it because we need more realists.
Oh, and Elvis never did no drugs!
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